The Boss

“The Boss” is probably the easiest target for snide comments, pre-meditated gossip and murder fantasies in most offices. The term has become so maligned that most companies no longer even use the word. Now we call him “Your Manager”. Whatever term you use, you might find it helpful to know a little bit about him (or her).

First off, don’t forget that there are FEW, if any, schools that teach a person HOW to be a boss or manager. Management is a four-letter word in the business world and it remains one of the great mysteries of our time. Management is not actually that mysterious, but because it involves a few skills that are not specified clearly and that most people are lacking, you might find yourself in the precarious position of having a boss who doesn’t know HOW to be one.

Second, no one, and I mean NO ONE, is ever going to admit that he doesn’t know HOW to be the boss. This is equivalent to shooting off his own arm. Why admit such a thing? A person is successful or starts his own business and becomes "The Boss"! No training required. Or so many people think. Is there anything you can do about this? YES!

First off, realize that management is primarily about control. Control is not necessarily a bad thing, mind you. If you don’t believe me, try making a phone call without controlling the phone. How did that work out for you? Control itself is neither inherently bad nor good, but is constructive or destructive based only on the motive of the person using it. You can be constructive with your control of your phone, i.e., dial a florist and order flowers for the wife, OR you can be destructive, i.e, prank call your boss. It’s your choice how you use the control. The same is true for your boss. He or she has a choice at any moment whether to be constructive or destructive. Decide for yourself RIGHT NOW if your boss (or anyone else who “manages” you) is constructive or destructive. The easiest way is to tell by results. Does the person get positive results with you and others?

Assuming the person is controlling you in a constructive way, realize that most human beings inherently do not like control. But we have to live with it in order to engage in group activities. So let’s assume your boss, like so many of them, is controlling you very poorly. Here is an example: “The Boss” tells you to start on the new social media marketing campaign. You do so. Two days later, “The Boss” comes after you wondering why you are tweeting on behalf of the company! You look bewildered and mutter, “But. . .I thought. . . you wanted me to . . . start the social media campaign. . .” He storms out of the room, telling you to remove all the tweets. Uh oh. Poor control on his part. He didn’t CONTROL you very well. To control is to create positive, predictable change.

So what can you do if your boss doesn’t control you, or anyone else, correctly? Well, you can take charge of the control. It would look something like this. Boss: “Start the new social media marketing campaign.” You: “Sounds good. I’ll have a plan on your desk for approval in two hours.” You type up the plan including all ideas for tweeting, etc., and put it on his desk with only boxes at the bottom where he can check “Agree” or “Disagree” to let you know if he likes the plan. True, it’s a little more work for you. But this is what being responsible looks like. As Ayn Rand said, "The man who lets a leader prescribe his course is a wreck being towed to the scrap heap."

Of course, you can always let the boss continually shift your priorities and complain about it to your co-workers. That’s what most people do. But if you really want to get ahead, try nailing down this control thing by taking your share of the responsibility for it. That way, more than your boss managing you, you are managing HIM!

And if you really want to handle the situation for good, send your boss to management training. You may have to call it something else, like “Jamaica” to get him to go, but if you can pull it off, I promise your life will be much easier. And maybe you can stop fantasizing about the steamroller and super glue . . .

Is He Coachable?

We have all worked with the guy we avoid at company Christmas parties and functions, the one who gossips about everyone, or steals others’ ideas and passes them off as his own and pretends he doesn’t. As he exits his yearly performance review, we watch carefully, hoping he has somehow come out a changed man. Over and over, we are disappointed. Why is that?

Let’s start with some basic data about leadership development. A person develops certain habits or patterns that he or she thinks help him to survive in the workplace. Those patterns are engrained early on because at some point, they worked.

Example: Joe steals some presentation data from a co-worker and gives the best presentation of his life. He gets promoted as a result. Now, he has found a reason to keep stealing data, hasn’t he? Four or five jobs later, he is still stealing others’ ideas even though it no longer works and others shun him. This is an ethical problem for him.

What can we do for this workplace problem child? How can we help him?

Remember this: In the absence of ethical behavior, no leadership development can be done. Ethical problems shut off the ability to learn. So if you have your eye on someone who “just doesn’t get it” or never changes, you have your eye on someone who needs an ethics tune-up. He just is not coachable yet.

If we drew a pyramid of important items necessary to career development, it would have a base labeled "ethics" and the upper part of the pyramid would contain all the various parts of leadership development.

A strong ethical foundation is necessary to truly develop a leader. A person who has to lead others cannot do so unless he has others’ best interests in mind. A person who has ethical trouble thinks only about himself and pits himself against everyone else. The easiest way to spot a person with ethics problems is that he chooses himself over everyone else. It’s what you are really complaining about when you complain he “doesn’t get it”.

The good news is that ethical troubles can be fixed! Please do not waste your time trying to develop a leader when his ethics are all a mess, though. Handle the ethical problems first.

Tips for handling ethical problems:

1. Don't go it alone. If you approach someone complaining about his self-centered attitude, you will end up on the wrong end of the battle and you could be the one in trouble. Instead, start documenting the problem behavior with very specific examples. Write the examples down and submit them to your HR person. If you do not have an HR person, see the article entitled "The Real Purpose of HR" (in my section on Biznik) and give a copy to the person in charge of hiring.

2. Keep help in mind. Remember that a person with ethical problems is going to be very defensive, so tread lightly and keep your intentions good. Expect to be seen as a troublemaker, at least at first.

If you have trouble or your first encounter is like taming a dragon, call on a professional coach or HR person who can dig in deep and get to the root of the matter in a helpful and thoughtful way. Then, when the person is really ready, give him a development plan that will allow him to soar.

You Want It, You Got It

Influence is the power to affect people or events, the capacity to be compelling. With influence, you can achieve your goals and win in your business. Without it, you will be frustrated and upset, tired and apathetic about how the world affects you. In short, influence is the bridge between where you are now and the life of your dreams.

Think for a moment about something you got that you had wanted for a long time. Think of another example of something you achieved that you had wanted for a long time. What do these two things have in common? You had to communicate and influence to get them. None of us can achieve anything in life without communication and influence.

Think now of something that you would like to have. Why haven’t you gotten it yet? What if you knew the right person or event to influence? What if you knew the key to influencing any person to achieve any outcome you wanted? How valuable would this information be to you? Read on to discover the factors of influence.

First, let’s start with some basics of communication. As much as you might not like to hear it, other people are different from you. Their perceptions are not the same as yours. As a result, you have to make a concerted effort to understand them and their points of view. Without this basic knowledge, you will get nowhere in influencing others. Others know if you are spending the time and effort to understand them. Take the time. Make the effort. This is the most basic first step of influence.

If you are uncertain about how to do this, try first by asking some basic questions of the person in the area you are discussing. For example, if you are attempting to influence your boss to give you a promotion, ask some questions about the budget and the future outlook of the company. Find out what he thinks about the company and the outlook for the next year. With this step, simply try to achieve understanding. Do not ask for anything yet.

After you have taken some time to understand the person you are trying to influence, try next to develop some admiration for the person. Find something you can like about him or her. Expand on that as much as possible. If your boss loves the same type of music you do, get the idea that you really agree on this topic and expand on it as much as possible. A quick warning: you will occasionally run across someone who does not respond well to admiration. Although this is more difficult, it can be overcome with some customized help. If you have encountered this situation, get some help from HR or a coach.

Keep in mind that the development of admiration starts first with you. It has to be genuine and you have to develop it yourself. If you find that you have a hard time creating admiration for others, you may also have a hard time influencing others. If this is the case for you, seek out some help for your critical nature. This cynicism could be your downfall. If on the other hand, you find it easy to create admiration for others, you are well on your way to getting whatever you want.

Your next step is to achieve certainty about what you want. Again, this is an internal step. Set your mind about what you want. Any doubt you have will show up in your communication to others. Root it out. Once your mind is set, start getting agreement from others about what you want. Say it is true. Explain how it can be true. Remind yourself and others daily that it is true. Spread the word about it. If you are going for a promotion, start acting as though you already have that position. Yes, you should use some caution on this that you don’t step on any toes. The most important part is the mental step of internal certainty. If you can follow this with a skillful use of communication to get others to subtly see you as already in possession of what you want, you are home free.

To sum it up, influence starts with you and your mental state. How much do you like others? Can you listen to them? Can you understand other viewpoints? Can you make up your own mind that you will achieve something? If so, you are well on your way to influencing others. Start close to home and you will find it easier and easier to expand your sphere of influence.

http://www.becoachable.com